Teach Me How To Be Fat

I've had the pleasure of attending webinars by  Bill O'Hanlon, a professional mental health counselor, who has presented some ideas I find applicable for my weight-loss clients. He treats patients with depression and shows them how they continue to keep themselves depressed by their actions: they isolate themselves, stay in bed, avoid exercise, ruminate, and basically perpetuate their depression by keeping themselves in it. While the advice for people suffering from depression includes getting some exercise, fresh air, and human contact, he uses a "reverse psychology" technique, asking them, "Teach me how to be depressed. You are so good at being depressed and knowing how to stay there--if I wanted to learn to be depressed, what would you tell me to do?". The patients can realize their predicament as they explain how to stay depressed, telling Bill to 'stay inside, don't answer your phone so you won't even speak to people who reach out to you, remain in your bed clothes for most of the day and don't brush your hair or do anything to improve your appearance'. The light bulb goes off over their head as they see how they've been feeding their depression, and see that if they do the opposite they may help themselves out of their situation.

He asks his patients who are overweight the same thing: Teach me how to be fat. 

So let me ask you: You're an expert--you've been overweight your whole life--if you wanted to explain to someone how they could stay heavy and not lose weight, what would you tell them?

You might say, "Take every opportunity to eat! Even if you aren't hungry, if someone has cookies or candy out, take advantage and eat it.
When there is food left, finish it. Even if you've had enough for dinner--even when you feel stuffed!--be sure to have the rest of the food so it won't go to waste.
Use high-calorie foods and cooking methods: Never bake or broil, but fry most of your food. And add butter or oil to everything you can.... potatoes, salad, bread, and even vegetables which are naturally low-calorie.

Before bed time when you're relaxing, don't let this time go by without something to eat! You shouldn't have any down time when it comes to ingesting calories. A nice bowl of ice cream or a piece of cake will help you settle down to sleep.
Never plan ahead when it comes to meals. If you bring your lunch to work it might be something portion-controlled or healthy. Wait until it's time to eat and then grab whatever is fast--it will usually be something from a fast-food restaurant and these are normally high-fat and high-calorie selections. They also don't have anything to choose from for side dishes except french fries or onion rings, so you'll be sure to get an extra 400-calorie item.
Don't cook at home! You can control your cooking methods and portion sizes when you do that. Eat all your meals in restaurants where they add lots of fat (read, calories!) to make the food taste extra rich and creamy. Always include a beverage like soda or punch that has extra sugar-laden calories, and be sure to order dessert and not to split anything with anyone! Eat it all yourself and clean your plate!

The other side of the equation is exercise, of course. Don't burn calories if you want to stay overweight! Never set foot in a gym. As a matter of fact, it helps not to even own a pair of comfortable shoes so you won't be tempted to walk very much.
Use elevators and escalators instead of stairs, even when going down. Park as close as you can to your destination. Some stores have those riding carts so you don't even have to walk and push a shopping cart!
And forget about doing anything remotely "sport-like". Don't ride a bike, play frisbee or catch with your kids, pick up a tennis racket or even go to a bowling alley.
Automate everything you can: Riding mowers, snow blowers, leaf blowers, heck--pay the neighbor kid to rake leaves so you don't have any more activity than just sitting if you can help it!

Of course, the list goes on. How do you stay fat? Keep doing things that increase your calorie intake and decrease any calorie output. Make a list; post some of your ideas here to share.
When you realize what you're doing that's keeping you overweight, you'll be able to target some changes to make to get the weight loss results you've been looking for!